Click clack

Mum has had this old, huge mechanic Seiko Corona clock for ages. I don't remember a time of this thing not being around, or rather - the sound of it, which makes me think that she must have bought it in Libya in the late 70s. Whenever I called her throughout the years and she'd be in bed or close by, I'd hear the clock and it transported me immediately back home.

At some point, it began stopping and mum took it for repairs a few times. Finally, what I recall her saying was, "It's not showing the right time anymore, but I can't sleep without its sound." So, she kept winding it. Until 2016 when I took her with me to Germany and the clock stayed back. I bought another one, way quieter, to click clack next to her head, but it was not the same.

After she passed away and I came home where things needed taking care of.. a lot of taking care of.. I tired to wind it again once, but it refused to turn and I didn't want to force it, so I just left it on the night table, where it has always been.

Tonight, tired from the road I lay in her bed and looked at the clock, and for some reason I tried again to turn the knobs. Two of them. And they gave in, but no sound. When I tried to adjust the hour, suddenly the clock began ticking again. The sound I've not heard for so many years.

I start to think that my drive to repair things comes from a desire to stop time, to make things whole again. And it is an illusion because neither can I stop time, nor do things stay static by design. I have to reconcile those two states of mind. It may be showing the wrong time, but this sound is what it has always been.